Is this the face of The Good Fairy or Diego Brown?

Scientist are frantically carbon-dating a towel said to have been taken from the dressing room of song-writing saviours Diego Brown and the Good Fairy.

The cloth, a middle-of-the-range beige Marks and Spencer bath towel was spirited away from the performers’ private dressing room shortly after the saintly songsters had bamboozled a throng on the side of a green hill far away. A spooky impression of a face looking a bit like Noel Gallagher, with torso clothed in crimpoline that shows up clearly under ultraviolet, is believed to be that of Diego Brown or the Good Fairy.

Dr Richard Branson of the Shroud Hoax Investigative Testing laboratries told Brown News that the face belonged to one of the singers, but he could not tell which one, as he’d never actually seen the tremendous two perform, although he’d heard they were great and "really wanted to".

Clearly moved by the case, Branson said: "Clearly I’m moved. There’s pots of money to be made out of this if we can identify who this face belongs to — or should that be to whom this face belongs? I don’t know. I’m a sausage not a linguist."

Fishermen are blockading roads out of Sidmouth to keep the ‘shroud’ in the village. "The towel was nicked from the municipal swimming pool," said the sherrif. "It stays here."

US vice-president Al Gore, holidaying in Anglesey, has offered to send quite a lot of military assistance and giant spoons if the dispute gets any more confusing.