Christmas date revamp freaks out Whitehouse

Whitehouse officials went on the offensive this morning against an "evil international plot" to change the date of Christmas.

The attack came following news that people in the Banbury area of the Untied Kingdom will be celebrating on 21 December this year - a massive four days earlier than planned.

The new yule cele-date is the brainchild of cult acoustic scrooges Diego Brown and the Good Fairy, who have vowed to make people cheer up on that day whether they like it or not. "We're kicking out the ghost of Christmas past to make way for the New Christmas Ultra - a brighter, whiter Christmas that won't fade even in today's hotter temperatures," said a Fairy spokesperson in a language only she could really fathom. "Global warming is a reality. Snow is so second millennium. Whitehouse schmitehouse."

Brown and the Fairy and co-conspirators the Box Hedge Clippers - whose gardening-based analysis is likely to include references to holly around this time of year - are expected to brainwash several hundred new followers at the Mill Arts Centre from about 8pm on the 21st.

Police say the groups are preparing to swindle people out of a few quid for the privilege of listening to their "weird music".

"This is an affront to godfearing folks everywhere," said a small stone impersonating the US pressiedent. "To bring Christmas forward by even a day could see the market integrity of our big fat companies underfinanciated. Besides, we were planning to invade the Arabian perpendicular that day. What's the point in us doing that if the world's eyes, ears and lips are going to be trained on the Mill Arts Centre? We'll just have to call the whole thing orf."