Police issue body armour for Brown gig

London's bobbies have admitted they are 'sore afraid' of rampaging fans ahead of the next live appearance in the capital of pop icons Diego Brown and the Good Fairy.

The Met has issued 3 million special contables with protective clothing after it emerged that tickets for the Singing Siblings' gig on 21 January have been 'selling like tridents at a gladiator carboot sale'.

Underworld supergrass Teddy Sheringham told Brown News: 'Hot isn't the word. Not isn't either. Nor pot. I can't remember what the word is, but I expect I will in the 89th minute.'

Crowd control police are expected to be airlifted in to the Islington area ahead of the concert wearing hard outer shells a bit like cockroaches to keep the lid on a pot that seems destined to boil. Armaments 'experts' say the stylish garments are made from recycled Who Wants to be a Millionaire contestants. 'Shaped to give maximum freedom of movement, these all-weather shells are designed so that officers can swing their arms a lot and clout people with poison-tipped pointy things,' said PC World in Bent Cross shopping centre yesterday.

'Cunningly designed to look like a giant biscuit, the idea is that rioting fans with the munchies will be attracted to the device like moths to one of those purple zappy things, allowing our boys to slap the cuffs on them.'

A spokesman for Diego Brown & the Good Fairy said: 'Is it shortbread? We absolutely love shortbread. Yum.'