Brown "downsexed" set

Popstarts diego brown and the good fairy have under-told the time it will take them to perform their songs at their imminent show at the 12-Bar Club in London’s chi chi Soho barrio, according to unflinchingly accurate reporting by Brown e-News.

A source close to the duo, wearing glasses and a big hat, told journalists that the idea of the sensible siblings performing actual miracles on stage was "a great big lie".

And claims that the duo can fit their fantastic repertoire into a mere 45 minutes are being poopooed by secretive servants. A spokespersonator for the M25 said yesterday: "We poo poo the idea. Poo poo. Poo. We think they’ll have trouble doing it in less than 50."

"We never said we could do it in 45 minutes or perform miracles," retorted Brown this afternoon. "What we said was we could play for four to five minutes then we’d have to go home for our tea where we expect to be eating Miracle Cake.

"In any case, we were always going to do the set whether it takes us 45 minutes or 45 years. The point is we believed we were right so what difference do facts make?"

A little while later he appeared to change his story. "What we actually said was that if we didn't do this set someone else would get hold of it and our songs in the wrong hands could be dangerous. But you're not listening are you? People are just too stupid these days —no attention span, treacle for brains. What’s the time anyway?"

• Be insulted in person on 25 September at The 12-bar Club, Denmark Street, London WC1. diego brown and the good fairy will be on stage at 9pm (for at least half an hour)

Venue: 22 Denmark Place London WC2 8NJ Telephone Table Reservations and advance tickets booking line: 020 7209 2248 pie.finger@virgin.net

For more info: good.fairy@diegobrown.com